And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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