i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
