woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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