I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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