belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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