Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
