I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
