Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
