Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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