i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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