people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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