I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
