If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
