I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize