xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize