Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
