I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
People in love make me want to vomit
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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