we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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