he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
