so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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