please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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