Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
