So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
