Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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