i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
