I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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