my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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