I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
