just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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