Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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