I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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