girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
