First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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