well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Houston, we have a squirter
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
