As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
