he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
