so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
