As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's blow job season.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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