hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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