Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
