I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
