I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
