she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
