I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
