i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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