How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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