He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You're like the curious george of whores
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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