I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
