the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
