A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
