Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
