everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
