They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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