what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
