I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
