You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
