Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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