I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
