Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
