Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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