All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
