tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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