that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
