The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
