Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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