Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
