A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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