I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
