dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Randomize