overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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