I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
