I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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