I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
