I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
