Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
